there's something that i carry with me everyday. it's like a clinging on my weary heart and sometimes, a singing in my dreams. i thought i had left it on a faraway place but only to find that maybe, it has never left. more often than not, what i try isnt what i get. so i just carry it with me wherever i go, till i'm ready to let it all go.



it's been a trying week. the next few weeks are foreseen to be even tougher with project deadlines drawing nearer and exams in less than 20 days. i always see myself succumbing to these fears and worries, every semester without fail. urg ): it's something that i can't battle with because my guilt forbids me to. i'm guilty of being lazy. i envy the conscientious who only highlight my slack. my anxiety overwhelms me and im consumed by procrastination. clearly, ive been stressed or rather a little depressed. and it sucks. like i just wanna shut myself from the world to deal with my own issues. it all sounds too familiar. right now, i'll just stay focused and let happy things keep me going.

a couple of happy stuff happened!
first of all, EURO LOVE!
i'm going to find my darling sister and fugitive lookalike tim at vienna! 21jul-7aug! a whopping fat three weeks of EURO LOVE! gonna miss three days of yr3sem1 but it's all worth it! cause we're traveling to paris and paris AND PARIS AND LONDON! did i say PARIS?? :D and it will be from the new Terminal 3!! :) :) :)
(p.s. jo! i'm so coming to find youuu and eve! heh! ( : )
2. We celebrated mummy's 45th yest! with geriberi and tim over skype! and with another high cholesterol meal of chilli crabs, black pepper crab, curry prawns and mango cake! all too finger-lickingly good! don't you just love my life? ;p i get fat crab meals every other week! keke

3. fun-o-rama and st nicks home run were held today but had to miss both. it was a good busy saturday still. i rushed to tuition, went club rainbow (after a good one mth break! :D ) and went to schoo to mug with vic and geokies thereafter.

4. this week started with a lovely 3 days intensive camp at room 88 (as named by shin)! i so wanted to blog about hall earlier and how much i really really really miss staying with bren wendy shin ): i thought i would feel awkward since it's been a while that i shifted out but i couldnt have felt more at home during those three days. ( : because some things don't change. the nice warm fuzzy feeling stays. it's not so much of nostalgia but more of familiarity.

(when we were only 19,young and very happy!haha)

call me fortunate! i witnessed another episode of intrusion by an unwelcomed creature. that's if you remb an older post on the attack of a moth. this time, it's a gross huge roach with extra long feelers. very disturbing to even describe it :S i was too stressed doing work in bren's room while shin jessica and jess' bf were battling it with baygon in the other room. i only peeped when the show was over and a final potent attack of baygon intoxicated the fallen insect.
and frank shin bren and wendy ganged up against me. okay, shin started it. they told me i had to sleep in frank's room on the first night ) : i was wondering why bren couldnt go instead but well, they were mean and they lied and they got me ):
haha. but it turned out that sleeping where really wasnt an issue cause bren and wendy offered to let me sleep in betw them and shin said i could sleep with her too! dont be jealous, i slept with shin on both nights! haha. we took some pics! ( : i'll just show the best one here!



everything we had,
everything we had,
I'll be with you wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall


amazingly amazing!! there's free wireless here at genting! :D :D my parents are off to the casino to try their luck but i cant bear being a passive smoker so i thought it would be better to escape to some cafe and slack. but gosh, the stench follows cause these guys are everywhere! ): there's not much point in shifting seats anymore...

i've decided to blog a little now else i will really have NO TIME to even whine to myself when i get back to my pile of unfinished work in singapore! so if you've figured, i brought my beloved mac along on this trip! ( :
all's been very good so far! we're eating like kings, gambling like men, shopping like royalties and smiling like the happiest hobbits! okay, maybe i'm exaggerating but we forgot to be prudent many many times. -rubs my bulging tummy-
alright, i will leave the food talking to the back and all shall be salivating! that's if you survive reading this boring stuff and last till the end. man, why is it a lose-lose situation??!


anyhow, genting is awesome! i forgot how enchanting it is. i was probably in primary school when i last came with my family. gees, except for the good weather, there wasnt much that enticed. there werent much to shop back then and my sis and i were too humji for overly-exciting themepark rides. so it wasnt a place we would be keen on returning to if given the choice. very naturally, i embarked on this trip half-heartedly. i made plans to read notes, read hobbit or surf the net should i be bored. but boy, how wrong was i!
i forgot that a theme park isnt a theme park without a reason. this entire complex had the theme of "wonders of the world" (at least for first world plaza's indoor theme park). hurhur, i came up with that but i really think it's true! the pictures will prove it! and yes, the outdoor theme park seems to sit on clouds of mist. it was like a very dreamy land. or maybe i have been dreaming all these while ):


my crystal ball! it's my fav buy! i've always spoken of the crystal ball even though i had none! haha! if you are my friend and you have had those child-like convos with me before, you would know that when i say i know something and people ask "why?" , i would always reply saying "my crystal ball told me so!" im uber happy with my crystal ball! it's from the most quaint shop!

i think shin would be in love with this shop too! it sells all things country and cottage! like clay figurines of cupids and fairies, pot pourri, scents, exquisite containers and musical boxes, dried flowers, teddy bears and the list goes on... i think my mum and i spent the longest time in that shop as compared to the other shops! well, i spent kinda long at the mango outlet too! everything was on sale! so i really went crazy! but the clothes were very much last season. though the sizes were there, the clothes werent that fitting. oh well, i only bought a top for myself and another for my bestie. so shopping was very fruitful and i bought A LOT! on the first day, i had completed my shopping for everyone!! and of course, i was way over the moon! man, i think shopping can really really lift one's moods, mine definitely. retail therapy never fails!!! ((:

and yes, i entered two casinos, without being questioned when im under 21! woohoo! like i said, it was way too smoky and it wasnt a pleasant memory! but it was quite an eye-opener cause i had always imagined casinos to be damn atas. the jackpot machines really looked very much like arcade game stations. haha! then the dens for those games like roulette, three card poker etc were kinda for bigger and more daring gamblers. dad and i tried this game called "french boule". it was kinda idiot proof and purely based on luck. you just have to bet on which number you think the ball will land on when it's rolled over some bottles. the payoff was 8 to 1! and dad and i were quite lucky! but i have this theory that once you win, you just wanna win more so i kept asking daddy to play safe. in the end, we lost our winnings but our initial amount was still in tact. haha.
geokies' pic! the deeliciouss salmon slices, freeflow!! ;p

now, about food! we had dim sum on all mornings! and everytime, we stuffed ourselves till our tummies could no longer take it. my fav restaurant is "coffee terrace". it's huge, like the size of food courts in singapore! we ate there for dinner! it was international buffet style so each stall served a diff cuisine! and my fav was the jap stall! there were sashimi slices for buffet!!!! geok, i took a picture just for you! hurhur! and there was fondue and lovely dainty cakes too! fabulous fabulous food! ((:

since the start of the trip, we had geriberi with us in our hearts all the time. daddy was in geri's smu pullover, mummy was in sis' other sweater and so was i. the grey babygap one geri (if you were wondering which one! i knew you would be. lol!!!) and heartless you, i have my sistie ring on ALL the time!

the informidable
before i forget i want to talk about the greed monster, evil evil thing. it's sad to think that all men get defeated by this v horrendous thing. but somehow, i think we all naturally do, in one way or the other. something reminded me of lotr. probably one reason why i like it this much is because greed is so well-portrayed. being self-absorbed as usual and thinking that the world revolves around what i think it does, i even felt that maybe tolkein had the same thought that the greed monster is an informidably scary one, one that defeats all - elves, dwarves and mankind alike.

gee, i feel so..vulnerable after the security guard seated opposite me went off-duty. :\
smelly smokers please go back to your room to smoke!!! it's past midnight! grrrr!
when one group leaves, another gathers! im extremely pissed cause my throat is starting to itch and i just keep turning around to see who's the culprit. urg.
smoking indoors sucks, im sorry ): but it's extremely inconsiderate.
i suppose they are around cause of the man city match... ):
thankfully, at least most clubs in sg are smoke-free!




i was to blog about how i desperately need that red bull drink mostly because red bull's supposed to give me wings. "because our calendar is getting fuller-and we're running out of energy, endurance is vital, an iron will all-important. But there's a limit to what the body can take. And that's why we need wings."

though the day was long, it was a rather joyful one.
1. i completed my counselling elective report! -blows trumpet and sounds the horns- three cheers for me! :D
2. we've sorta settled our direction for IT proj and resourceful SA has gathered tons of sample reports!
3. after elec, i had the deeliciousss and very much missed NIE noodles before going to lwn to mug for a while with vic and geokies. good food makes us v happy {((:
4. geokies wrote me a letter and it made me v glad cause we havent exchanged letters in a longgg long time, happy or sad ones alike.
5. i re-watched leap years with fish! YES i did! and it's still as amazingly good as it was the very first time i caught it. a pity the crowd was a tad anti-climax. they totally killed the show at some points. urg. but it was a good "reunion" today and i still like being mean and funny ;) thanks for the lovely thai gifts, blackie. :p i might really "recycle" them for someone's 21st or stuff those stuffings somewhere... NOT! heh. they're too nice, i'll find a good use for them! ((: man, i really really really want to read "leap of faith" and when the dvd is out, can someone pls tell me so i can buy it?

somehow, i only land myself in confusion and disappointment again. i have a zillion questions unanswered and i dont even know how to start asking bob.. maybe i'll really prepare a list in my journal and ask you when i'm back!
i realised that this time, when i watched leap years, i was taking mental notes of slightly different things. initially, i was inspired by their patience and faith in true love. that was easy to pick out when im sucha hopeless romantic myself.
this time round, i felt as if i was picking up a different signal. a loud silence, together apart... on the contrary, what i always could not bring myself to believe "it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved before" made a resounding impact.

6. bob is still as hilarious as ever. one minute he was complaining that i need to "wind up the windows" cause the background noise of the trains tunneling was too hard to bear. and the next, he was a happy boy, excitedly reciting mac's new $36 breakfast and lunch delivery packages. gosh, i think i can still remb (in the exact same order) what is incl in the lunch package for a family of five - 1 big mac, 1 mc spicy, 2 filet,1 turnover, 9 nuggets, 4 mc wings, 4 fries, 4 apple pies, 2 coke, 2 green tea and 1 latte. gosh, now this sounds damn lame but i had a hearty laugh!!! oh i must add that, at first, bob had violent objections on his identity, saying "i DO NOT want to be called bob" but a moment later, he just started singing "bob the builder..." -.- well, you get the picture. (apply euphemism) bob is actually an interesting person. ( :

anyhow, i'll be off to Genting till sun! i'll heed my bestie's advice to look far beyond the horizons and take a break while i can!!!
to all of you, HAVE A GOOD EASTER AND A SPLENDID GOOD FRIDAY! ♥

---

something interesting to note which was briefly mentioned in the leap years:

in Plato's Symposium, Aristophanes explained why people in love say they feel "whole" when they have found their love partner. It is, he says, because in primal times people were globular spheres who wheeled around like clowns doing cartwheels. There were three sexes: the all male, the all female, and the "androgynous," who was half man, half woman. The creatures tried to scale the heights of heaven and planned to set upon the gods. Zeus thought about just blasting them to death with thunderbolts, but did not want to deprive himself of their devotions and offerings, so he decided to cripple them by chopping them in half.
After chopping the people in half, Zeus turned half their faces around and pulled the skin tight and stitched it up to form the belly button. Ever since that time, people go around searching for their other half because they are really trying to recover their primal nature.

as mentioned in the leap years, this ancient theory that the primeval man had four arms and four legs actually sprouted a belief that lovers once belonged as one and that we are all in this lifelong search for our other half.


guess what, i actually have a song for me (:
in fact, two, that's if you've heard the one from franz ferdinand which i personally remb not liking it..
but i love this one by the coral!
i think it's quite retro and nice though the video's kinda crappy {((: DCMM!

Jacqueline - The Coral





okay, as random as it is, glory just showed me this website that sells popcorn pens and i think it's damn cool. we both want one v badly but they dont sell them individually and they sell yucky colors in 5s. ):
i would ♥ a red popcorn pen too....
"we wants it, my precious..." hur ):
dont you think it looks like the icing on my cupcakes?
sobs. i miss baking cuppies with geriberi.
i miss geriberi and she says we wouldnt be able to skype for a month
): ): ):

http://community.livejournal.com/_spreee/2007124.html


fred passed driving! yooohoo! so proud of you cousin {((:
and thanks for asking us out for sups! a pity wj couldnt join us but we had tons of fun all the same!
hurhur, tunnel tours and food-hunting! here are just some of the photos {((:


our handsome tunnel tour guide! LOL! i think we went through the most tunnels in a night due to limitations of the gps map system! haha. but i have to say, he's one skilful driver! noobie us actually drove through tiny haji lane,fortunately unscathed! HAHA!


cutsie cousin belle who's still so young! she's still dropping food on her clothes! hurhur


i really like this pic!


and this of course!


oh yes, i bumped into azad and joan! surprise surprise! they were chilling out at arab street.
im looking forward to class outing. i've got his pinkie promise on that! whee!




i've got happiness overflowing! short-lived maybe but just let me be smiley for today! it's been a long long time since! i had a fabulous bestie day :D
we did all things happy. and when im happy, i become irritating, really. i cracked too many not-so-funny "jokes", took many many photos and i gave geok things she didnt want AGAIN! haha! sounds familiar geriberi?? poor tim always has to keep those random receipts and whatnots! HAHA!

geokies, my mattress, was v nice! she took many photos of me, just as i had requested!



so as you can see, today's series of photos are labelled "hump ahead" cause of the above two pictures!



so now's the time to say hi to my new friend, DCMM!
he's double chin moustache man! {((:
whee, i just made this friend and i forced geok to say hi to him! HAHA!
i love my DCMM! {((:


thurs morning:
what girls (g & j ) bored from studying start to draw! funny decent potato chap vs the cool spunky dude! guess who drew which?


shin's sbs day:


tues:
before 202 quiz, we met early for breakfast. hurhur. and for the first time, i couldnt finish my deeliciouss delifrance breakfast :\






the same evening, vic and i attempted a study session at leeweenam. we cam-whored much less this time ( :
mostly because there was this suspicious, highly-disturbed guy who kept peering into my pretty mac screen. must be you la vic... heh







wednesday morning, (admist some kaypoh "readers" on the bus) i wrote this in my journal :

" all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
a frightening thought struck me as i reached the station.
'are we all living the day as it passes? merely living day by day?'
i was on my way to school. as usual, boon lay station was crowded with mostly biz adults and students. when the train parked at the station, everyone rushed out in unison, packed forward like magnets to the stairs. it was like a herd, an orderly one. everyone just inched forward, taking one step at a time. in the same pace, we moved, the most well-ordered manner ever seen. most heads were down, a blank expression hung over their faces. in that moment, we all looked alike. lifeless, expressionless and rid of emotions.

Probably, you tend to see the life of others the way you perceive your own. it was just rather disturbing to see the entire crowd at the station that morning looking so worn out. maybe it was morning blues but i have never noticed something like this before. i wonder about many things. what will an accountant's life be like? i certainly don't wanna be washed with that jadedness. right now, i dont wanna live each day just trying to breathe, merely functioning. i want to be that fresh face in the crowd that looks up to the sky, beaming a bright smile. i want to be that face that once loved mornings and smiles to the start of each new day.

and i thought, what does everyone live for? what do you live for?"

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
Then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
~William Shakespeare, As You Like It Act 2, scene 7




walking in a drizzle can be nice. i guess this is how it's like to dream secrets with the street lights in your eyes. the tiny droplets send chills down your spine but somehow, it makes you breathe again.



Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm,
I know
It's been comin' for some time.
When it's over, so they say,
It'll rain a sunny day,
I know
Shinin' down like water.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
Comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday, and days before,
Sun is cold and rain is hard,
I know
Been that way for all my time.
'Til forever, on it goes
Through the circle, fast and slow,
I know
It can't stop, I wonder.

when you live in your dreams, you are afraid to sleep.


this is what geok and i came up with after a cranky study session. ENJOY!

1. Write down their frustrations, and then TEAR THEM ALL AWAY
(waste paper and ink siah)

2. Talk to a bottle of water, and then POUR IT DOWN THE SINK
(ultimate anti-water conservation idea)

3. Write make-believe comments and conversations on your own tagboard
(just to show that you are so popular, create activity when there is none!)

4. Go out with people who don't matter, waste money, AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT IT.
(they call it zi xun fan nao)

5. Don't do homework. And then feel EVEN MORE MISERABLE.
(why don't you just do it man...)

6. PON SCHOOL.
(even if you don't do homework, just go right...)




PS: DON'T consume pills. Nor listen to them. Or even attempt to talk to them. LOL.






i think we're almost like m'sian PRs. today, i went to jb for glorious seafood and a bit of shopping with my parents.


i really like this picture, caught just in time before he splashed! so jer himbo if you're finally reading this, yay, i still like carwashes v v much!




haha! and i caught daddy's typical pissed look on cam! not that he's always pissed. it's just that he likes to be pissed with me, in a joking funny way. "stop taking pictures la..." was what he meant to say i think.


i finally woke up at noon.
it was 7ish when i first dreamily opened my eyes.
thereafter i was shuttled in and out of sleep.
i kept waking up intermittently, at every other hour.

images and scenes swarmed me
mostly sweet ones
they were so vivid and real
i could still remember the details

when i came to my senses
it was as though someone gave me a tight slap
i was jostled back to reality

i finally woke up,
a bittersweet aftertaste.
and i wanted to cry.


yest was yet another typical leeweenam day. vic and i were supposed to study after IT lesson which was supposed to end at 430 but we stayed back all the way till 6ish cause of lab lessons. those FACT lab lessons are just ridiculously pointless, too boring to be discussed here. as i was saying, we did all things typical of a mugging session which includes photo taking! heh. in the end, we could only clock another 45mins to study before the library closed for the day.

the best part yest was that everyone was in bright brilliant colours and we all had gorgeous nicknames.
vic was fillet o fish (she was in the exact same hue as the box which contained the burger she ate)
li hui was carrot
sheng an was hamburger (not because he wore many colours in diff layers but because of another reason! haha)
and i was the bonsai plant for obvious reasons



i think vic looks damn cool here. on the contrary, just look at my trying expression...




our best sneaky look. okay, i think we look a little skeptical


thurs evening's subway with abby webby (((:
she's really really sweet! look at what she gave me! in times of stress like these, she never forgets her friends out there and drops lil notes of encouragements! she made my day!




Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to be



Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

i had a nice reminder of the fray when i heard "how to save a life" at the gym this morning. yes, the gym! i went there with bren, a consecutive thursday! so that's twice in two weeks! a toast to healthy lifestyles, praise me! :D
i was thinking...there are always some songs that you just grow to like them more and more. likewise, there are some songs that have a relatively short lifespan. i wonder if life's like that. while chatting with my mysterious friend the other night, i had a passing thought. have i changed to be less happy a person, letting things get me down easily? i hope i havent. but it just feels like with age and maturity, people change. those things ebb away our optimism and hope. as we see this
world clearer, we become more cynical, more jaded. gone are the days where innocent minds marvel at this oh so beautiful world. ahh... i think i'm still as gullible as ever but i wish and hope that i wouldn't lose that overflowing optimism i once had. i wouldnt want to lose hope in this world cause i can still write a whole list of reasons why we are all so blessed.

anyways, i've decided that i'm more of a morning person than a night owl. ha. i really love mornings, chilly rainy ones and bright sunny ones alike. haha, yes geok, even rainy ones. that woman loves small drizzles! i can't decide which i like better for mornings but i'm certain that i hate it to rain when i'm in town. it's too much of a hassle to walk around. today's chilly morning was great though i always think that rainy days are gloomy. whatever it is, i feel that the days ahead are hopeful! (:

i shall therefore channel whatever energy i have to my studies! i need to studyyyy... ROARS!
ohhh, right now, i'm only thinking of subwayyyy!
after school with abby webby! (: (: (:


it has been a crazy recess week. oh gee, most of the time i think i was really crazy. hur!
midsem break is officially over and the deadlines of assignments are starting to choke and strangle me! haha, but it really wasnt so bad having to be back in school today! im just thinking how much i would miss going to school come may 2009 when we all have to say goodbye to pulau ntu.. ): it's all happening too soon...
well, happy things! i had a fun weekend meeting up cousins, going msia for crabs and skyping with sis!!! it was about five days since we last heard from her cause the poor girl has been ill ):
and happy things come with happy smiles!

jb, the place to find good and cheap seafood! slurps! :D


with that many fruits, my parents were spoilt for choice!


and oh, the leap years is a must watch. it's the movie that makes Feb 29th all the more a very special day and i'm so glad to have spent that with friends of 11 years! and wala wala is just awesome! what made the entire night even more splendid was this ns guy who courageously went up to stage to propose to his girlfriend! aww, feb 29ths are just so special! :D




St. Bridget's Complaint
It is believed this tradition was started in 5th century Ireland when St. Bridget complained to St. Patrick about women having to wait for so long for a man to propose. According to legend, St. Patrick said the yearning females could propose on this one day in February during the leap year.



A magical love story that shuttles back and forth between the years. The Leap Years is a fearless plunge into the depths of faith in true love, a celebration of human perseverance and a bold statement that stands against the ravage of time and cynicism to proclaim that romance is still alive. ~Adapted from Raintree pictures

"It's not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." William Shakespeare
never say never.

he told her that she's brave not to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. she is brave because she waits. she waits for the one, not just someone.
how do you know who's THE one?
now, that's something to think about.