And the shapes we want to see
Don't leave another piece that this puzzle needs

If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let it go
Walk away


i've walked away, a happier person.
this song, makes me hopeful.

i think it was really you whom i saw. it has been 5 yrs, my friend. it's no wonder i could not be sure and i could only stand at a distance and watch. i wouldn't know what to say. no doubt, it's good seeing you again. old bonds renewed and old times remembered. your positivity is infectious and you've taught me that each day is a new step forward.


it's funny how my prophecies are coming true.
i've been killed again. and again, i hit rock bottom.
easy kill.



Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

i just had to come here and write this down. a moment ago, i thought i've seemingly understood the essence of waiting. to wait is to allow yourself time to understand another and to leave room for imagination and curious minds. ahhh but this thought itself cant withstand time, my enthusiasm fizzles out very soon. sigh, fancy me blogging at work huh! i wish i weren't so easily beaten down everytime.

My hands are tied
My body bruised,
she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
With or without you, U2


i've been trying to look for a song. for weeks on, i've been searching for something to blog about. i couldnt find either. events are better illustrated with pictures and as for emotions, i couldnt figure them out till now. for some reason, i feel i've been losing myself to pessimism. i feel confused, like a lost child desperately searching for her identity. i sense pretence and i succumb to it. i don't know what this means but almost instinctively, i returned to this song:

Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to be

i still don't have the answers. i struggle to keep what's left of me. in fact, i'm inclined to think that i'm not like before and it isn't good. i wish to be true to my heart but what's best for you might not be the best for all. how can we stay true?

on sleepless roads, the sleepless go..

on nights like these, i often think back about the past. like i've said so many times over, i dont like to regret. i suppose i'm sorely missing the simplicity of life when we were all younger. well, i think im learning to cope with the complexities of relationships but it's never enough. i seem to be back at the most basic stage, trying to read minds and find definitions. i'm losing faith, trust and a reason to believe. i wish time would allow me space. and space would allow me time to get better. i'm no sage who sees the good in everyone. and for many many times, i wish i did. i wish i were like before too but some things, once lost, never return again. i've got one of women's weakest traits.

i also wonder about fate, this mysterious whisperer. life's ironies and fate's evildoings are ever beckoning us to savour a sweet nip and then horribly cast us back into the deep bottomless sea. with each passing day, i feel the light at the end of the tunnel getting dimmer.

is it because of adulthood that people start to have a tougher front and mask themselves with smiles just to hide their insecurities and also take the "mature" approach to deal with their own problems such that they no longer reveal their true emotions?

tonight, i feel so much like a child and half an adult.


g's 21st summer blush was a real blast!
here's a toast to our 9 yrs of bestiehood! (: happy 21st once again!

LOVE A PLENTY



a facade masking private despair and vulnerability. what lies beneath, nobody should know.
do we all grow up, layering ourselves with masks?
we gain some, we lose some.
when is it true?

Amazing how life turns out the way that it does
We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love


this is my new love :D


Panasonic Lumix DMC-FX33 White

this is also my love! (though i dont own it ) : )
it's a frog prince! sucha darling!!



i love the holidays! there's no other way i can express this joy! HAHA
an eventful week has passed since the last paper. it was very sweetly spent with lovely pp.

on 29th, i celebrated my freedom with vic and geokies! had glorious gelare waffle again!
then stayover-ed at steph's penthouse with tiff! a pity estelle couldnt stayover but she was part of the start of this crazy dolling up thingy with steph's EXCESSories. lol. she really has so many bangles, hairbands, necklaces and belts! we had tummy-aching laughs watching each other strut in the 'outfits'.


on 30th, tiff brought me threading for the first time! (:
dinner was with dearest ac gang mateys! it was a good three hour dinner where we sat, talked, laughed and loved every moment just being together. we laughed till we couldnt sit straight, till we were teary-eyed. we looked at old sc8 photos which mark stored in his iphone. those were fabulous times. the best part was every time we gathered together again, it is a celebration of our bond. we dont have to meet regularly but we know how special we are to each other. i know i can spend days just recounting those crazy things we did back in ac. sc8 is a class like none other and for them, i love my college days very much.

we went shokudo. this japanese marche-style place. it's amazing! good food excellent service nice deco marketplace ambience(totally apt for market-noisy ppl like us haha!)





qq has put it cheesily sweetly that we always stood by each other. yes, our gang has been there. (:

on labour day 1may, geokies and i hit the beach! it was scorching hot and flooded with banglas. >:((
im mean but it was highly disturbing cause they went to the beach for people-staring. . . and we even saw this ah thiong frantically snapping pictures of hot babes that they dont even know! omg! faints

it was still a very good outing and man, i look like a milo lobster now. not very glad but well, healthier i suppose.

then, i met def for dinner! bernard, weihan, edlyn, abby and weilong! (: i was too late to catch shu xian! edlyn was v sweet! she bought us gifts from denmark! i got a leopard-spotted bag! ( :






2may, i became a pseudo relief teacher! uhhh it was just a nicer name for cheap labour! haha helped to mark some papers! hushhush. it was illegal. both being in the school and marking papers :\ but i was extremely conscientious in my marking!
evening was teow's bbq! it was a very sweet affair! once again, we were very pampered by the seniors. i still cant believe it has been two years since camp and now, they have graduated.
the seniors


crazy marshmallow bbq-ing battle! to "protect" your marshmallows from being poked/buttered/coated with honey, some of them actually licked it! stupid fab went to lick my half-toasted marshmallow and i had to surrender my marshmallow to him :( at least ryan compensated me with another one ((:




the weekend was about FAMILY :D
my rainbow kid gave me a pen she bought from kl! i was so so happy (: to be remembered! she's the p3 malay girl i mentioned in the rainbow post a long long time ago. on sunday, we visited grams!
one of the first few pictures i took with my new love!


and sunday was km's bday! was at shokudo the second time! still love that place! and the frog prince cushyyy!
we went to ps cafe after that too (:




As we lie in the shade of poison trees,
are we as safe as we let ourselves believe?


have you ever wondered what afterlife is like?
it intrigues me very much and i've always wanted to know how others imagined it to be. childish as i am, i thought it to be devoid of any kind of suffering. probably a tinge of loneliness occasionally as that's the trade-off for eternal life. but it would mostly be of looking over the 'living ones' and connecting with them through dreams. that was how i placed it.

in 'for one more day', mitch albom believes that afterlife exists within us. so long as we hold the people we love dearly in our hearts, they would never leave us. love will carry us through.

i didnt know that i like mitch albom this much. he inspires me.
his words breathes and impacts. they are plain and simple yet so much effort has been put in to intricately unfold the story. it's as if anyone can be a writer, so long as you put your heart and soul into your writing.

the book reminds me of charles dickens' a christmas carol. just like fictional stories should always have happy endings, i like to see people being given second chances. but i dont like having to ask for a second chance. it would mean regret and a wanting to undo a mistake. it is sad. instead, we should cherish. and above all, our family matters most. the purest of love being our parents'.

...
What causes an echo?
The persistence of sound after the source has stopped.

...
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I'd stare too long
I'd probably break down and cry

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine

Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
-Guns N Roses