my 241st post!
and it shall be a "doodle and scratch" - random pictures that make me happy (:

this is what i am feeling now:


thinking of this makes me (: (: (: the tiny blue country just above the boot-shaped italy is where sistie is now!
it motivates me very much to be a cost centre! (i.e. CUTCOSTS in terms of aa202) CANT WAIT FOR HOLIDAYS!


and this is about BIG DREAMS :p always amuses me!


dempsey and grocery shopping! i loveeeee!
lifetime supply of freeee marshmallow wands pls ;)


chris carrabba rocks totally! this lovely piccy is from steph! :D



I want to live forever
Inside the nights and days.
Wishing on a silver cloud,
Crawling across the moonbeams.
A summer night in heaven
Between the stars and waves.
Race across the old bonfire;
Trample on my heartbeat.

psst. i've yet to figure out why my tagboard disappeared. IE ate it up. it's visible on safari and firefox though!


my mind's in a whirl. i'm just confused but not tragically upset.
i'm desperate for answers i know i will not get.
cause, that's life.

old age, i really hate that.
aging, illness, pain, loss and sorrow all comes together in a horrible bundle.

friendships, like wine, acquires a stronger taste with time. it kills us to see any one sour.
but deep down, we know that we all change and the innocence we had ebbs away by the day. cynicism takes over very easily.

never say never. never say forever.

there are many things that i don't understand and i will take a long time to accept.
perhaps i hadnt grown up at all. i didnt want to. last night, i couldnt even sleep knowing that mummy's not going to be home for one night to take care of grandma. grandma's hospitalised. i was being extremely selfish cause i wanted her to be home knowing that grandma needed her more. this possessive reliance is incredibly childish.

foolish as i am, i worry about the uncertainties in life and i fear the certainties of our life stages.

i hate old age. i can't bear the loss of people i love so dearly.
they are the people i live for.
without them, i just cant carry on.
i think i will break when that day comes.
that's a big problem i have.
no one has taught me how to bear loss.

"your goodbye is just for a better hello in future"
a phrase i chanced upon.
do you believe?


this is a tribute to g, my bestie! ♥

when i drew the curtains and gave her the most privileged first sneak preview, she helped me a whole great deal with not only the alignment but also this wonderful musky maroon picture you see above!

a toast to the smartypants! ((:

i remb liking this song very much many yrs ago! aww, thanks g! (:



The first time I heard my friend googling someone out, I was extremely amused. Then did I realise that it wasn't extreme cause quite shockingly, it isn't out of the norm to snoop. What i call "snoop" is what we commonly refer to as "voyeur" minus the sexual fantasies part of course.

It's frightening how tracking down someone has become so effortless. Pictures, particulars, even blogs or friends' blogs can be found with just a click of the mouse. With the accessibility of information comes the increased risk of information leakage and exposure of privacy.

But aren't we all made snoopers with technology letting information be readily available at our fingertips?


Tell me, are you not guilty of the incessant monitoring of time stamps, tracking someone's every move with the most watchful eyes? Don't you occasionally read an unknown person's blog or view a stranger's profile just cause it interests you and because it's so easy, it's already there? Simply put, if you are a facebook whore, you're most likely to be a snooper. There are things that i, too, observe furtively. It's almost like an obsessive compulsive behaviour. It is a dangerous habit, hard to kick.

gees, i've got a terribly throbbing head. It's as if something is chewing off my insides. you know i exaggerate but it really hurts. :\ even paracetamol isn't helping much.
Sleeeeeeeep, i need it!
Goodbye, fellow snooper!




This is a mundane post.
It is in the monotony of life that little events become more significant and warm our hearts.
I woke up very early with the intention of studying in the morning and also have breakfast with mummy. I was craving for that daily dose of earl grey tea again. It's a recent addiction! ohmy, how earl grey tastes so heavenly with honey which i substitute with maple syrup! heh, i improvise! so i'm a creative oddball! ( :
when i came out of the bathroom, i caught mummy dozing off on the sofa. She was down with flu and was too drowsy for work. I talked her into skipping work & visiting the doc. it was part of the plan to keep her home.

i always love it when my parents are home. The house becomes so lively instantly. Dad wasn't back from work yet but i had a lovely day with mummy all the same. I watched her sleep while i devoured leap of love. After lunch, I fell asleep too when Scotts started to become too much of a bore. When dinner came, geokies called to say geriberi wanted to skype!! daddy mummy had fun "eating ice-cream" with geriberi. you know how amusing geri is when she's a glut!

to me, that was a very complete family day (:
mummy had fun too. before she slept, she actually sms-ed me when i was just in the other room!


today's gotta be one of the happiest days! ( :

i chanced upon a lady holding"a leap of love" when i entered natnat lib this morning with geokies. i wanted to rush downstairs to get my own copy but no, g reminded me that it was exams and i had to at least complete reading the BOOK OF FRS which is long and boring... it's full of facts and figures and instructions for dancing... (that's "book of love" by peter gabriel btw. nice!) sooo, i temporarily shelved that thought away but i simply couldnt resist the temptation to check out the book later on! so before i left the lib, i went to take a look. now, it lies snugly in my arms ((: it's like a highly treasured prized possession which soon enough, i will call my own! yay



besides the hobbit, this is a book that i read while walking and it really makes me v v happy! considering that i'm a slow-reader, finishing the book in 3.5 hours is quite a feat ((: it's really beautifully written, very poetic with remarkable twists and turns! tho slightly different from the movie, i still recommend it! well, 've never really been a catlim fan cause i've always thought her writing to be kinda too flowery. but but butthis one is out of the ordinary! whoever's interested should catch the show first then read this wonderful artwork!

i shall generously share some snippets of it here! and so it begins:
...
"Chang Li-ann, undergraduate of the University of Singapore in 1980, wrote, in the middle of a boring lecture, a love poem to an as yet non-existent lover.
...
'There is a place I want to go, but I don't know where
There is someone I want to meet, but I don't know who.'
She would know with certainty of the heart that surpassed any understanding by the mind, inferior organ by far, in the eternal human quest. She would know when the place and person came together in the moment of love's epiphany. The road to love's Damascus had its blinding lights too: she would be dazzled for one moment, then get up, rub her eyes and come face to face with the promised presence waiting at the end of the road.
...
Li-an pitied her friends. For they could not love, or chose not to love with joyous and complete abandon. In moments of honesty, they qualified their love for their boyfriends with so many 'buts' and 'ifs', hateful words that should have no place in love's vocabulary.

Kim said, "I love Soong but...", meaning that she was aware of all his shortcomings, including a tendency towards childish, selfish behaviour, and the non-possession of a car which sometimes cause inconvenience in their dates. ...

But it was Jennie who went the whole way of brutal honesty.
"You want to know how much I love Julian? As much as he loves me, no more no less. Last week was more, this week is going to be a little less. You want to know for how long? Until I meet someone better. Then it's bye, bye! Don't be shocked! He's planning the same move. I know. It's all a game." ...

Kim, Suneetha, Jennie - they squandered their love uselessly while waiting for the right one to come along. Soong, Sanjay, Julian - they were only lovers by default, lovers in transit, the pitiful consolation prize in love's grand lottery. It was horrible, the purity of this marvel called love debased by the crude calculations of an abacus clicking away in the brain."
...

i think to pity is too severe but somehow, the harsh realities of life never ceases to cast love in a bad light. we all succumb to fate's cruel doings and in turn, build a calculative selfish ideology of loving. never before has someone painted sucha wholesome picture of love - a complete abandonment, something free and joyous! i question with much doubt, not about the existence of it but on fate's call on me. i think it foolish to love hopelessly and blindly but i smiled knowing that i wasnt the last foolish person on this earth. there are still hopelessly romantic writers out there. haha. i question the feasibility too, of women waiting till they are way past their prime, only waiting for their true love and only listening to their hearts. i knew very well that i didnt have the patience li-ann has. i walk on tiptoes, never leaving footprints. so, now, i've chosen to believe. something ignites the dying flame in my heart to restore the faith that i've long abandoned in vengeance. it takes a lot of courage to believe. and maybe indeed, most things are within our control.

ohoh, since nik left, i havent met jer till today! woah, we ate and talked a lot! all my fav things: tom yam soup, waffle ice-cream and oreo cheesecake! frozen cellulite is what he calls those sinfully good stuff! haha but for now, fatjacq will say "eat first, work out after exams!!!"

life doesn't take a standstill, life goes on
time is a wheel in constant motion always,
i hope you dance...


time to gloss over the ugly parts and mask the depressing stuff. let's all hope to see happier entries ahead!

yest, i got home at 4am after supper-ing with dearie cousins. we were all dead beat after the one hour prata experience at "THE ROTI PRATA HOUSE, the best crispy prata in singapore" at upper thomsons. (geriberi and tim, that's the one we used to go!) but we were quite down on luck yest cause it was one of their busier days so we got quite lousy service and wrong orders! :\ nonetheless, it was a very fun outing with lotsa hearty laughs! wj still cracks the silliest and lamest jokes! just look at what he asked us. it spurred off many other lame topics.

wj: why didn't john die when he jumped off from the 7th storey?
all: ??? -silence-
wj: cause John is a bird
all: . . . -.- "" HAHAHA!
clarabelle: and so?? -blur-
me: that's the ans!! HAHA :D

you can see how adorable my cousins are. lol!

belle then asked another lame joke which was quite a good one and guess what? THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED! this time wj was the funny one.

belle: what's a fish without "eye"?
me: fishball!
fred: WHAT?! hahaha!!!
wj: yea...fishball!
belle: nope
belle: it's FSH
-silence-
two sec later, fred and i were enlightened and we all laughed.
a moment later, wj stopped laughing..
wj: why?
-all were stunned-
wj: OH OH OH!!!
HAHA! fish without the "i" = FSH

i guess we are all a lil gone when it's past midnight and we were too hungry from having waited for so long. haha, i can't wait for tonight! bah kut teh! :D

after supper, i got home and saw two photo albums on the dining table. i knew mummy had been looking through our photos, those of us when we were very young. ): photos make people emo and when i looked through the photos of sis and i, i knew exactly what mummy was thinking of.

just before supper, i was on the phone with steph and we too were looking at photos and videos taken at castor's past outings. ): emo nemo! it's sad to realise that two years have just flew by like that and our dearest seniors are graduating. they are the people we've grown so used to and we rely on them entirely for everything such that we aren't even good enough seniors for our jango juniors.



i know why i've always encouraged ppl to go for school camps. it is because my NBS foc experience was like none other. we had the BEST seniors. they are the most bonded and most fun bunch of ppl. at the same time, they are caring and extremely kind. for having them, i feel so blessed. steph and i have big plans in mind! hushhush till exams are over! ((:

for the rest of the days, i'll be hitting natnat lib with geokies :))} it's our third time this week i think! lovely lib!




there's more to life than just to live
hold on, hold on...
~Jonas Brothers


Birds pass by to tell me that I'm not alone



yesterday, i saw many things as i walked.
i saw a large withered leaf falling from high above; the only one blown to the roads far away, away from where the trees are. my heart sank with it.
i saw school children, still clad in uniforms, playing hide-and-seek at the playground. I smiled, looking at their gleeful faces but their laughters i could not hear. I felt lost and confused.
I saw a boy with his school bag on his back, walking backwards as he bumped into me. I found myself thinking that I, too, had been living life backwards. every inch forward was uphill.
I saw a man in crutches, one leg in a cast. he had to hurl his body up each step with difficulty. my heart went out to him.

it's funny what i desperately try to hold back only comes back time and again.
It's not supposed to be like that.
i try to erase, only to leave new traces behind.

my bff says being emo isn't glamorous anymore. that made me laugh but sometimes, i just can't help it.

Don't wait, Don't wait
The lights will flash and fade away
The days will pass you by

The road is now a sudden sea...


sunday's over.another sun soaked season fades away. i feel the need to conclude the week yet as odd as it is, i've been running outta "inspiration" for blogging. but i guess when i start, it will all flow. i cant believe i actually pulled through these two weeks of "blogging once a week". that's just so un-me since i used to blog thrice a day. lol. this time, i even have to sign in to blogger!

another reason why i abstained from blogging was to keep myself in check. one group presented on "obsessive gaming" during our last counselling lesson and that got me worried. they had a checklist on telltale signs of compulsive gamers and it included spending 12 hours or more on a game, putting gaming before work such that you can miss tutorials etc.. woah...another 16yr old boy was reported to have committed suicide cause he wanted to join the virtual world. gees, i don't want to have obsessive compulsive behaviour! okay, im exaggerating but i am still crazy over my blog just that im pacing myself. i don't have much to blog lately and not much time for that matter. it's an endless cycle of eat, sleep, mug and eat, sleep, mug... ... crap, this sounds so boring @#$^*#$! ):

a lot of stuff was cleared this week. 202 board meeting, counselling presentation, 201 and 214 report submission too! roars! pretty accomplishing a week! (:
time for some nice photos!

my entire counselling group. don't you think paul, the guy in blue, looks like a bobthebuilder! i think he's got the most amiable face! BOB, YOUR TWIN!! :D


i couldnt help feeling sad when i looked at these photos again. sometimes, pictures are sad reminders of the past good times.


AHH! i really like wearing the labcoat! this is lingling, a v v sweet girl whom i blogged about before! ( :


vic and i took pictures while doing work in FAL! and i dunno how come... SA saw them and commented on our photo on fb :\


geokies and i were both in yellow! we took a grand total of 51 pictures! and had a sumptuous meal at maxwell food center! before the haircut, i was at rainbow! geokies, guess what?! alex was there tooooo! gees, i siamed super fast la! hur


and yes, this video totally stole our hearts! juli is really pretty and damn, chris is soo handsome! i love the way he sings! wiki says that he still has stage frights! haha! so cute! this upbeat version of stolen is simply awesome!


another must-watch video which sadly i can't paste it here..
it has nothing to do with dashboard confessional but it's extremely cool! can't believe our IT teacher showed us sth so nice during the last lesson! haha
http://www.steelcitysfinest.com/HondaAccordAd.htm

today, we received LOVE FROM MILES AWAY! geriberi wrote us a postcard 2-3 weeks ago when she was at Berlin. it's so so sweet! ((: and we skyped today too! TWICE! :D

in the words of chris carrabba "music is some kinda crazy elixir that heals all wounds and it's a strange thing that unifies everybody all at once but at the same time, speaks only to you, alone... and it's also just simply a means to escape.."