my mind's in a whirl. i'm just confused but not tragically upset.
i'm desperate for answers i know i will not get.
cause, that's life.

old age, i really hate that.
aging, illness, pain, loss and sorrow all comes together in a horrible bundle.

friendships, like wine, acquires a stronger taste with time. it kills us to see any one sour.
but deep down, we know that we all change and the innocence we had ebbs away by the day. cynicism takes over very easily.

never say never. never say forever.

there are many things that i don't understand and i will take a long time to accept.
perhaps i hadnt grown up at all. i didnt want to. last night, i couldnt even sleep knowing that mummy's not going to be home for one night to take care of grandma. grandma's hospitalised. i was being extremely selfish cause i wanted her to be home knowing that grandma needed her more. this possessive reliance is incredibly childish.

foolish as i am, i worry about the uncertainties in life and i fear the certainties of our life stages.

i hate old age. i can't bear the loss of people i love so dearly.
they are the people i live for.
without them, i just cant carry on.
i think i will break when that day comes.
that's a big problem i have.
no one has taught me how to bear loss.

"your goodbye is just for a better hello in future"
a phrase i chanced upon.
do you believe?