i've been trying to look for a song. for weeks on, i've been searching for something to blog about. i couldnt find either. events are better illustrated with pictures and as for emotions, i couldnt figure them out till now. for some reason, i feel i've been losing myself to pessimism. i feel confused, like a lost child desperately searching for her identity. i sense pretence and i succumb to it. i don't know what this means but almost instinctively, i returned to this song:

Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to be

i still don't have the answers. i struggle to keep what's left of me. in fact, i'm inclined to think that i'm not like before and it isn't good. i wish to be true to my heart but what's best for you might not be the best for all. how can we stay true?

on sleepless roads, the sleepless go..

on nights like these, i often think back about the past. like i've said so many times over, i dont like to regret. i suppose i'm sorely missing the simplicity of life when we were all younger. well, i think im learning to cope with the complexities of relationships but it's never enough. i seem to be back at the most basic stage, trying to read minds and find definitions. i'm losing faith, trust and a reason to believe. i wish time would allow me space. and space would allow me time to get better. i'm no sage who sees the good in everyone. and for many many times, i wish i did. i wish i were like before too but some things, once lost, never return again. i've got one of women's weakest traits.

i also wonder about fate, this mysterious whisperer. life's ironies and fate's evildoings are ever beckoning us to savour a sweet nip and then horribly cast us back into the deep bottomless sea. with each passing day, i feel the light at the end of the tunnel getting dimmer.

is it because of adulthood that people start to have a tougher front and mask themselves with smiles just to hide their insecurities and also take the "mature" approach to deal with their own problems such that they no longer reveal their true emotions?

tonight, i feel so much like a child and half an adult.