the sky's a little gloomy but i cant feel any more light-hearted today. it's Monday! the start of a beautiful week! it's the last week of internship, which is also the week of my eurolove trip! i'm flying off on sunday! a bright lovely SUNDAY! if anyone needs anything from there, lemme know! (: today's one of the most slack days of PA cause only the directors are in and they are angels! mag and gwen and this love-hate relationship that we share drain us poor interns very much.

the thought of seeing my sister after a good long 6 months is so exhilarating!
i cant wait to give you a BIG BIG HUG darling! you have no idea how much i miss you and how much you've missed out on life here and how daddy mummy sulk every time they think about how you can actually be home 2 weeks earlier but you're there "waiting" for me to go over! let's just say lucky me! i feel so loved! (: but of course, you're also having the time of your life there, happily bumming around and seeing the world!

i killed many things yesterday, deleted myself of the past that wouldnt be good to be still living in. I walked away, feeling a whole lot more relieved today. though last night's little irony attempted to topple me a little, i knew i am much stronger. even this afternoon's lil beckon isnt gonna make me wave that white flag. a part of me died yesterday and a part was renewed. the past month, ive seen that looming dark cloud hovering over me and every other day, i was like a living ghost. many times, i wanted to be invisible, beaten down by my failure and ashamed of my pain and misery. i was so weak and sad. i rejected people's care and company, hurting them and myself. i hated myself. it was like depression, the second time. unlike that painful phase 6yrs ago, i only had myself to blame for this one, for falling short of expectations, for being whatever that i was. it's so familiarly bitter and yet shameful.

i still have the same fears and insecurities in me and i believe all these would end only in dec but im so looking forward to this europe trip and it seems to have the most amazing healing powers!! cause it's REUNION and it's an ESCAPE, as cowardy as that sounds ): it really makes me all revived. i surprise myself.

facebook photos have put every major event that occurred during these two months in a nutshell and i promise to upload all the photos before i disappear for 2weeks! we'd all been busy with close friends' 21st being so timely smashed together in the june-july period, with boring/taxing internship, lotsa tuition and other what-nots. but this holiday in general had been a good one with many painful lessons learnt after this huge slap back to reality.

i'm really thankful for my ever-supportive family and for my dearest best buds who have always been here for me, yet i still doubted and lost faith. xoxo, you know i love you!

Everyone should watch this! it is AMAZING!
CD with love from vic, my 3-3 friend! :D
i wish i could be washed in those waves!